


The Worst Part

by Calandraswriting



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Humor, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 00:33:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1139332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calandraswriting/pseuds/Calandraswriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minifill for a prompt at the HKM: "To annoy the Elves, the dwarves constantly jerk off in their cells. And they are LOUD."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Worst Part

"Ohh..."

"Oh," Beldir repeated, although his tone was a lot less pleased, and more irritated. "Not again."

He pointedly turned his back to the cells and started humming, then singing, and a minute later he was practically screaming the ridiculous lyrics of the drinking song his brother had written. Somewhere below, a cheerful Dwarvish voice joined him in the song, much to his relief. Everything to make the noises stop.

The problem wasn't so much that the Dwarves were pleasuring themselves in the cells; there really was nothing else to do in there. No, it was that they turned it into a show. They always managed to position themselves so the light would hit them to their full advantage, always facing the bars of the cells so everyone in a three-yard radius could see them. And they would not only make themselves a spectacle for the guards - they'd talk to them while doing it. In just two days, Beldir had gotten about two dozen air-kisses, eight suggestions to come in and lend a hand, and one marriage proposal.

He squeezed his eyes shut when something splattered to the ground right next to his feet. No, the wanking wasn't the worst part.

The worst part was that the bastards could _aim_.


End file.
